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How to communicate effectively in Relationship: Listen more

Are you misunderstood or sometimes you misunderstand what your partner, spouse or colleague say to you? Do you sometimes find yourself questioning your responses in a conversation? Most people hear others speaking to them, but most of the time our interactions are not focused and we may listen to people speak, without truly hearing what they want to say to us.

Learning how to listen is a skill that helps us to clear our mind of thoughts and behaviors that may interrupt our ability to hear what the other person is trying to say, rather than what we think they are saying.how to communicate effectively in relationship

Knowing how to communicate effectively in relationship is a master key to a peaceful and healthy relationship. The major aspect of conversation is listening. The beauty of listening is the ability we have to control what we hear and to discover ourselves the more in the process as we engage more in listening than talking.

Instead of responding to people’s comments and thoughts as a reaction, we take the time to understand what they are saying and in thinking about how their words are impacting us, we are identifying the natural way to control and react to people’s words and think about how best to respond to them. We can learn, develop and practice self-control techniques, which can help us to act more appropriately to anything people may say to us.

When somebody lashes out at you in a communication or conversation, the most likely instinct is to lash back and defend yourself with equal anger, may be even worse. “What you have done then is to hand the keys of the conversation to the person most likely to run it into a ditch,” explains Geoffrey Tumlin, a communication consultant and author of “Stop Talking, Start Communicating.”

In most conversations, basic human instinct is to mimic or match the other person’s communication style and tenor, he says. “So what happens when someone comes at us at an agitation level of 8, 9, or 10–in the danger zone? These forces encourage us to match with our own 8, 9, or 10. We could inflict serious, sometimes fatal, damage to the underlying relationship.”

Don’t give in to the natural urge to match the other person’s aggression with defensiveness or anger of your own, he advises.

Now let us learn more from these quotes below.

Quotes on Effective Communication


“Effective communication is 20% what you know and 80% how you feel about what you know.”

Jim Rohn


“The art of effective listening is essential to clear communication, and clear communication is necessary to management success.”

James Cash Penney


“Communication is about being effective, not always about being proper.”

Bo Bennett


“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

George Bernard Shaw


“Whenever I think I’m going to get certain information out of a person, it’s never as effective or comfortable as just having an open conversation, listening to them, being present, and being open to hearing something I didn’t even know they were going to say.”

Angie Martinez


“Effective listening is something that can absolutely be learned and mastered. Even if you find attentive listening difficult and, in certain situations, boring or unpleasant, that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. You just have to know what to work on.”

Travis Bradberry


‘Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”

Dr. Stephen R. Covey


how to communicate effectively in relationship

Communicating effectively using Reflective Listening

Practice Reflective listening. It involves listening to others around us talk to us and taking time out to ensure we understand their words and the meanings behind those words.

We ask questions like “so you mean this.” to reflect back to the person what we think they said. We use words like “I feel angry when you say that” rather than lashing out in anger and using a “you” phrase like “you always do this.”

Our focus is not on the words spoken but on the person speaking and what they meant by their words. This way of listening can take some getting used to, but once we learn this skill will change the way we relate to people and interact with them, and learn more about ourselves in the process.

If you sometimes feel misunderstood when you are talking to people, you probably have an understanding of the importance of really being heard and not just listened to. As we begin to practice reflective listening, you will soon learn the phrases and body languages that you personally find difficult to deal with before.

You will develop important techniques and qualities that enable you to remain in control of your thoughts and emotions when having discussions with others.

According to Wikipedia, Dr. Dalmar Fisher, an associate professor at Boston College, who developed the model of Reflective Listening, said that communication involves focusing on the conversation, mirroring the mood of your partner, summarizing what the speaker or your partner said using the speaker’s own word and embracing thoughtful silence rather than engaging in idle chatter or verbal conflict.

The most problems we have in communication in all our relationships can be resolved if we focus on the Habit 5 of Dr. Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of highly effective people”; the Habit 5 says: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD.

When we observe this simple rule there will be huge improvement in our relationship with our partners, friends, spouse, clients, siblings etc.

Hope you have gained a little from the above. Please kindly sign up for email update, like and share the article with your contacts and leave a comment below.

Bye for now.

Cheers,

Joseph.

joseph@ideasforboom.com

 

Joseph

Professional Accountant finding fulfillment in helping people develop their capacity and become the best they can be through simple Life Enriching Ideas. The secret of all round growth is to become more valuable.

18 Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing this great information, you can never be too old or too young to get a better grasp of better communication and the importance of listening while someone else is talking to you.

    Just from my own experience, after 16 years of marriage you know how to listen better with your spouse. If you don’t spend enough time listening, there is likely to be a lot more problems develop in your marriage than what you would prefer. There is always room for all of us to improve, and what better way is there to start than with better communication skills.

    • Thanks Neil. We all learn everyday on how to improve. Congratulation on your 16 years marriage. I am also. Listening is very important as we communicate effectively. I appreciate. Cheers

    • Wow!!!. great article you’ve got here . am learning every day. Yes I have come to realise that for our communication to be more effective we need to focus on Habit 5 of Dr. Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of highly effective people . which say Seek first to understand, Then To be understood. I have come to understand that once we observe this simple rule. effective communication is bound to be achieved, and every insurmountable will be defeated. I just love this article. Thanks for sharing.

      • Thank you Chinwe. The 7 habits of highly effective people is an evergreen book. It is very correct that effective people seek first to understand other people before expecting others to understand them. I am grateful for your support. Please share.

  2. I think we could all be a little more mindful when we communicate with each other, and this article outlines how to do it perfectly, especially for men who aren’t expert communicators.

    I use reflective listening alot myself, and most of the time my understanding is well enough, but many people would be suprised at how often you would be thinking one thing and the other person means something different, especially when communicating with the opposite sex. 

    We need to be equally focused on listening and understanding the other person as much as we are focused on trying to get them to understand us. It often seems more weighted on the me-centric side of things. One thing I may carry with me as a mental image throughout the rest of my life is these two cups on the microwave of my parents house. One cup was twice or three times as big as the other, and they were labeled “Designated Listener” and “Designated Talker”. I’ll let you guess which was labeled which, haha.

    • Thanks Matt. I enjoyed your contribution. I know the bigger cup will be the designated Listener. Hope I am correct?

      Lol.. thanks for this great comments. Cheers

    • Your two cups idea is amazing, I bet the designated Talker cup is bigge😀😀😀😀

  3. Hey nice article you have there. The most valuable ingredients in a relationship is effective communication. Women love their partner to give them an effective listening ear at all times. Once there is communication breach between the two parties there is bound to be conflict . An effective communication also tends to enhance trust in a relationship.

    • Hi Edahnewton1, thanks for your comment. It is very true that communication is key in every relationship.It is communication that makes us social beings, that is the advantage we have over other creatures. 

  4. Hello Joseph…I must compliment your effort in coming up with such an intriguing post on how to communicate effectively.. A lot of us really do not know the important of effective communication in our everyday lives… Communication is what we do on daily basis, there is fact that humans spend � of their daily lives communicating to other living factors so it becomes imperative that we know how to engage in an effective communication and here in this post are all the prerequisite you need for that, I hope you had a good time reading…

    • Hi Evans. Thanks for your comment. We as humans have the ability and advantage of communication over most of other creatures of God. Our lives revolve around effective communication. That is the reason why it is a very important topic. help share to others. Cheers

  5. Heloo Dear, a big thanks to you for sharing this insightful and helping article on how to communicate effectively in relationship. Communication is a very important tool in all relationship. I so much agree with you on the fact that knowing how to communicate effectively in relationship is a master key to a peaceful and healthy relationship.

    I once heard a saying which says listen more and talk less, its very important that we always do try and always give a listening ear to our spouse it does really helps. Effective communication is indeed a Master key.

    • Thanks Sheddy. Communication is really a very important success factor in every relationship.

  6. Hello there, This is an amazing article that you have got here. To be honest, I have always enjoyed reading through your articles on you website. They help see a better side of things and makes me stay afloat in my career, relationship and even family. 

    Thanks for offeriing insight on how to communicate more effectively. I will sure practice Reflective listening.

    • Thanks Awinikistevie. I am glad that you enjoyed the article. I am encouraged. Please help share with someone.

  7. Reflective listening will always help you to have clear understanding of your partner’s thoughts. My marriage clocks 9years in June, I can confirm marriage teaches men listening skill. In about 3 years now, my wife often called back after our conversation to thank me for listening and handling issues as the matured partner.
    Reflective listening is also one of the tools sales professionals uses to confirm the need of prospective clients.
    It’s a must we develop better listening skill to ensure we have effective communication.

    • Thank Olumide. I am highly grateful for sharing your personal experience on this topic. Reflective listening is a simple solution to so many communication issues in any type of relationship. It works well for personal, business, corporate, official and unofficial relationships. Thanks so much.

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